“Hi all, I’m 4x post-abortive and attended Rachel’s Vineyard nearly 7yrs ago. Just wanted to share a poem I wrote on my first night there. RV changed my life, I’d encourage anyone thinking about going to definitely do it 🙂
THE RIVER
The widest river full of tears could never wash away
The pain and deep regret that I lived with every day
My intense shame and sorrow was too great to tell
In fact, my life had become more like a living hell
I thought I deserved the tormented existence that I led
After all, four babies, by my choice, were dead
But did I really “choose” for my babies to die?
When it comes to abortion, the word “choice” is a lie
Resignation is a word closer to the mark
Other options are left very much in the dark
The clinic counsellor is there to “help” you decide
Have they been there? Have they done that? What makes them qualified?
After being told “the facts” and assured that this is no big deal
You’re asked to sign consent for the life they’re about to steal
And no matter how much you cry or wish there was another way
No one acknowledges your confusion – to them it’s just another day
Just another day at the death clinic where lives are lost before they’re born
Little souls going up to Heaven, mothers left behind to mourn
But mourn what? You’re told that you’re supposed to feel relieved
Then why do I feel so bad inside; I think I’ve been deceived
Deceived by that package labelled “choice”; it was all a great big lie
I’ll never get to see my baby, nurse it or even hear it cry
If it’s “no big deal” then why do I feel so rotten to my core
And why does my empty womb grieve for the babe it never bore
Why can’t I stop the ache that comes from so deep within my soul?
Will anything ever fill this raw and ragged, crater-shaped hole?
I couldn’t bear the thought of carrying this burden even just one more day
But Jesus that’s when You came to me and offered to take my burden away
At first I didn’t want to let it go and You so patiently understood
I didn’t want to forgive myself and You so gently told me I should
But Jesus, what happened to those dear little babies I let go
“I have them” You said, “they’re safe with me, but there’s something they want you to know
“They want you to know they love you and they’re waiting here with Me
“Waiting for their Mum, until together you can spend eternity
“They forgive you and so do I, so let My river of blood flow each day
“To consume all of the shame and guilt that your tears could never wash away”
Thank you dear Jesus for cleansing me in the healing river of Your blood
You washed me even whiter than snow when I felt as dirty as mud
So Jesus please tell my little babies that I love them with all my heart
That I’m sorry I never gave them life and that for now we are apart
I’m so grateful Jesus that my precious babies are with You
And I look forward to the day when I can be there with them too”
Surviving Sibling 