I was a 14 year old young boy. I was dating my first and only girlfriend I had ever had in my life. We started “dating” when I was 10 years old. About 1 year earlier, around 13 years old, we had become sexually active with each other. We were much too young to be doing this but our hormones and desires just led us down this path. One night while having sex a bad thing happened. I got her pregnant. About 3 months later a tragedy happened, she had an abortion. Clearly, I had a major role in this; I got a young girl pregnant. Unfortunately, I had another major role in this tragedy, I was greatly influential in convincing your mother to abort you (just writing these words my makes my heart cry out). She was very young as well, 15 years old. When we found out she was pregnant we were kind of in shock. We really did not know what to do. In the beginning we tried not to even talk about it very much because we were confused and completely unsure of the future. However, after a while we had to address our circumstances. I know deep in my heart that your mother did not want to have an abortion. But she was afraid. At that time what she needed was for me to step up and assure her that we would get through this and give her strength. What I did was step up and convince her that she should have an abortion. At this critical time I was the pivotal person that sealed your fate. If I would have told her to not have the abortion and allow you to be born I am certain she would have and would have been over joyed. But I did not. I was 14 years old. I had no idea how I could be a father. I was still a boy and in high school. I could not imagine how she or I could possibly be parents. I was concerned about my future and what I thought was best for your mother’s future. How would we finish school, how would we go to college. Instead of seeing you my son as a great blessing I saw you as an inconvenience that could be an anchor on the great plans I had for my life. What a sin and what a tragedy my thinking was. After a full weekend of tears, fighting, anger, and incredible emotional turmoil the decision was made. Your mother would have an abortion. I took her to Planned Parenthood. I had to wait outside. I was not allowed in. When she came out I took her home. After this we never spoke about it. We were both unsettled and rather traumatized by the whole thing but being young we just moved on with our lives. Your mother and I were together for many years after this tragedy but eventually made lives for ourselves separate from each other. The decision to abort you is a one of the biggest regrets on my life. For the longest time I just suppressed what had happened. It would pop into my mind but I would quickly push it aside. Perhaps this is my self-defense to handle what happened. I am really not sure. What I am sure about is that I DEEPLY REGRET having influenced your mother to abort you. I eventually married an amazing woman who would be your step mother. When we had our first child and his skin touched my mine as I first held him I was overcome with incredible emotion that I was not expecting or prepared for. While I always regretted the decision to help convince your mother to abort you, at the moment I touched your brother the true gravity of that decision came over me like a tidal wave. I am not an emotional person, I have shed few tears in my life, but at that moment I cried out of love for your brother and the loss of you!! I had finally truly understood the horrible and heinous decision I made.
Your Loving, Adoring, and Deeply Sorry Father,