*This has spiritual content. But it is me sharing MY beliefs, not expecting you to have the same. Even if you do not believe in God or Heaven, or whatever, I hope you consider reading it, and on some level receive some comfort.
Since I was a little girl, I have felt the special presence of those in Heaven. At first it was just God, the Virgin Mary and a few of the saints that I knew about, then my dad, etc. So almost immediately after finding out about my brother, I started forming a relationship with him. It helped, some, that he was already named. Joseph Michael. It was a shock, to be sure, but unlike some, who have lost their older siblings, and are not therefore technically the oldest, my place did not change. Instead, a different issue came to play. The one I had seen as the youngest for his whole life, was no longer the technical youngest. Regrettably, it changed the way I looked at him. It wasn’t his fault that everyone saw him as the youngest or that mom often complimented him for his good actions (he is just genuinely sweet natured), etc. There has been some improvement thankfully, but in April, my brother’s invisibility, so to speak, hit HARD! Harder than expected. And all because the ‘youngest’ was turning 2o, so mom had no more teenagers! It was a happy thing to them, but for me it hurt so bad. No, she still had a teenager!! Joey was still only 17! Sometimes I feel so bad for him, and that I must never let him be forgotten, etc. Obviously that is not the healthiest attitude, but I am learning how to be more open with my pain, etc. The night before his birthday, I was having intense panic over this, but didn’t want to tell mom. It just wouldn’t make sense. During a particularly harsh and scary attack, I suddenly had a meditation of sorts, that brought incredibly healing and lingering (lasted well into the next day) peace!
It was very short, but I felt as if I was being introduced to Joey (in a sense, as I have often felt his presence as I said before), and he had a special message for me. (Dude, just recalling it is very touching, and there is a tangible warmth I did not have just a small time ago. I feel like he is here with me as I recall his gift that night). He loved our brother, and was happy for him. Genuinely. He did not feel left out or anything like that, and wanted me to be happy as well! I tell you, I felt such peace over that! And much to my surprise and gratitude, the next day I went with the birthday boy and the others, further than I am normally comfortable with and for hours, with very few issues/pain! Thank you, Joey for your sweet gift for all of us! Deep down I know that he is Heaven, at peace and praying for all of us, but that can be easy to forget at times. I still miss him and look forward to the time when we can meet, without seperation.
Some of this was painful and embarrassing to admit, but I am sharing it in the hopes that others can relate, as well as to bring awareness to what the post abortive sibs can deal with. Also, hopefully it brings comfort, and you’ll have your own special stories to tell of the special presence of your lost loved ones in your life. Peace to all and thanks for reading! 🙂