I feel like the subject of abortion, for siblings is so tough. I feel so heartbroken that I’ve had to watch my mom grieve over her decison to abort my whole life. At the same time, I feel like I wish people knew how much heartache I’ve experienced over it as well… how many letters I’ve written, how carefully I worked at deciding on a name for him, since my mom never named him as far as I know (even though she knew he was a boy afterwards.) I was just remembering today that I named him Jonah Stephen, because I think of the abortion swallowing him up in much the same way that Jonah was swallowed by the great fish, and Stephen because of the symbolism of St. Stephen’s martyrdom paralelling with my brother’s needless death.
I feel a big conflict in my mind and soul over wanting to spread information on how much abortion impacts whole families and how it’s not an “easy fix” like the world wants us to believe. But at the same time, I ache for my mom and the way she is going to have to carry the pain of that grave decision with her for the rest of her life. I don’t want to cause her any more grief, so I am trying to walk the line and respect her tender emotions when addressing the topic of abortion. Wish I had more of an ability to share that pain with others though. I really think people have NO clue how much this affects people!