Reflecting On My Life Before Finding Out About The Abortion

This was originally shared on my australian blog ( )

Hi 🙂 My name is Renee. I live in America and lost my youngest sibling to abortion in ’95. I have become very active in trying to raise awareness of the pain that we siblings often feel and reaching out to the post abortive/abortion minded with love (as I wish others had done for my mom). Some may assume that this comes naturally for me, and that I’ve been doing it for years. But they would be wrong.

Before finding out about the (very short) life and death of my brother, I  gave very little thought to the abortion issue at all. I have never been comfortable with confrontation and knew that there was A LOT of it between the two sides. There were plenty speaking out already, so I was not needed, etc. Besides, at that time, I saw abortion as wrong, period. The mothers were all to blame. Oye, not happy to recall that : /

I lived almost 11 years before my brother was conceived. Up until that point, the two greatest traumas were watching my little sister nearly die from meningitis, and losing my dad in a plane crash, but for the most part life was pretty pleasant. I was to find out years later though, that at age 10, I had actually endured yet another trauma. The loss of my youngest sibling. To an abortion. He’s technically a half sibling, but that does not diminish the pain one bit, as some might assume. For 7 weeks that year, he was among us, and I had absolutely no idea. After the abortion, I still didn’t suspect anything. For one thing, I was just a child, but knowing that my dad died so recently any pain mom displayed was not surprising. Knowing of the pain of abortion on top of widowhood, especially at the very young age of 30 (with four kids between the ages of 2 and 10) really breaks my heart for her. Plus, she also had to deal with the pain of watching us grieving.

My poor mom carried the secret, silently, for nearly 11 years. 😦 And while that time was definitely more difficult than the previous decade, we were still blissfully unaware of our loss. I cringe recalling the times I would say that while it was terrible losing a parent, I imagined in some ways it was probably easier than losing siblings, who I became very close to. She never showed that it burned her to hear it, and it was not done maliciously, but I still wish she didn’t have to hear it at all. I know other post abortive siblings can relate to that worry.

One year when I was in my early 20s, we joyfully welcomed mom back from a weekend retreat. Little did we know, that in just a few hours, our lives would be dramatically changed! In ways we never could have imagined….




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