When A Birthday Is Not Entirely Happy

We are not quadruplets, but today (2/14) my 3 siblings and I turn 22. How is this possible? Because we are not celebrating our anniversaries of birth from the womb, but rather, remembering the night, that we lost our youngest sibling (Joey) to abortion, 2/14/95. I call it our birthday, because it was at that time that we all became Susi O Fanabba (SUrviving SIblings OF AN ABorted BAby), although for nearly 11 years, we were unaware of this fact. Learning the truth, was incredibly painful and shocking. Not only because of what happened, but also the fact that for so long, mom carried that pain by herself. 😦 She always tried to make Valentine’s a fun and special day for us, giving us good memories, which really took great strength. I don’t think I could’ve done it so gracefully, to be honest. Even though I have way more people to talk to about it than she did, I have been dreading our ‘birthday’ more this year, and feel frustration towards those who are showing indifference or a lack of support and make it so we are not just free to discuss what’s going on.

All of this has made me think even more of the large amout of people who have 2 birthdays, just like us. For some, it is literally at the moment of conception as their older sibling was aborted. Others become so later in life. It also made me feel grateful that we know the date. Yes, it brings pain (while my anniversary of birth from the womb, usually brings excitement and joy even though I will soon be 33), but because of that, I have a greater compassion and desire to help others, which I do not regret at all. Also, I feel that for me, it actually made the healing process easier. Bringing some closure. I am not constantly wondering if the current day also happens to be the anniversary, etc. Many sibs I know, have not found out and it can be a burden for them 😦  It’s for all those feeling that pain, and the dread of an upcoming anniversary (for those that do know), that I am writing this. May they come to find comfort and healing.

One last thing: I know that not all post abortive sibs feel that pain over their parents’ abortions, and I totally respect that.

*This may not make complete sense, but for the time being I am just trying to write out some of my thoughts, and hopefully touch some people/open some eyes in the process.

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